I originally posted this to my Facebook page and decided to post this here too.   In large part because I felt like my similar post was meaningful to so many and hearing that I wasn't alone was really helpful to both me and others:   

I'm guessing some people have been wondering about my absence from a certain synagogue. The reality is I haven't gone somewhere else, I've just become completely non-religious. If I am being completely honest, the reason for this is the immense pain I've felt from being excluded over the last half year plus.

This weekend is a perfect example of why this is. A weekend to celebrate "inclusion" while so many have been excluded due to either being disabled or disadvantaged; or even just choosing to not take the risk on becoming one of these by contracting COVID.

"Inclusion Shabbat" is being followed up by having a celebration/processing ceremony in regards to the pandemic. A celebration that originally referred to the pandemic as being over before the wording was quietly changed, but still reflects that a raging pandemic is in the past.

A ceremony that is being called "stepping back in". Yet, so many were never able to step back in. And yet there were those of us who stepped back in, only to have to step back out as restrictions were eliminated with the only safe option being to sit behind a computer screen and watch everyone else gather. The pain of this which for me personally has pushed me far away from religion. At a synagogue that has tons of money and resources and could have provided for everybody. And this was pretty much never acknowledged by anybody except the others who have been excluded.

Let me tell you something from the perspective of those who aren't so privileged. 1. We can't process the "trauma" because ours is ongoing and we are just trying to survive. You can't process when you are in survival mode. 2. If you truly think being bored at home for a few months was "trauma" then perhaps you should consider what life is like for those who have now been stuck at home for years because people won't do the simplest and smallest things like wearing a mask.

So, if you are wondering where I am or why I am gone it is because the religious community choose to exclude me. I do think situations sometimes exist where one group of people is excluded to make another happy-and that is life-and we should just admit it. And lying to people who are being excluded and constantly talking about inclusion only adds to the pain. Those of us who have been excluded know it. Being gaslighted like this about it is toxic and I've chosen to take a step away from this toxic environment.